Organized Chaos

Madness stands before me like an infuriated dragon,

Breathing down my neck in heaving flames,

Circling me until I choke.

Death stands at one door, Voices at another

And sadness at still another

My pasts haunt my daydreams.

My reality is twisted and perverse.

I scream, yet I know no one will here

For those screams are all in my mind.

Pain engulfs me like the oceans

Drowning my head with hurt and hate,

Taking joy from every breath I take.

I cannot escape it, it will not disappear.

My thoughts are becoming jumbled,

Numbing the emotions that can keep me grounded.

I’m caged like a bird

Trampled by the boulders of my desire.

My eyes concave the walls out and in,

Making them dance in a rhythm.

I see my dragon before me.

Tall and erect with mischief on his mind,

As he takes one deep exasperating breath,

Then expires his hot torch

Leaving my world in ashes.

I am left to swim in this pain,

Struggling to stay above the surf,

Trying to keep from drowning in my paranoia.

The voices say “sink,” The voices say “kill,”

The voice say “die, drown.”

It surrounds me, dragon, and all.

The storm moves around me, tossing me about.

Any bit of stability has sank in this organized chaos,

Never to resurface again.

You don’t know how many times I’ve tried,

You don’t know how many times I’ve died,

Just to keep sane.

“You’ve lost, “ the voices say,

“You’re gone. All doors are open.”

Demons, take me……

10/5/1994